Why Your Child Needs a Home Rhythm

Children live in a world where they have little control over what happens each day and it’s up to us, as parents, to guide their daily activities and experiences.

For us, we may find it boring to do the same thing every day but for our children, predictability is essential.

When each day is predictable, it allows your child to know what is coming next, this gives them a feeling of safety and security and it also reduces anxiety.

And what does this lead to? A calmer, more resilient, less resistant, happier child!

Before diving deeper into the benefits of a daily rhythm, let’s begin by discussing some of the signs that tell you that your child needs a consistent predictable rhythm.

Rhythm is always my number one go to recommendation for all parents, as it lays the foundation from which your child can truly thrive.

Often parents do not link common challenging behaviors to their child’s need for rhythm. If a child is having frequent tantrums, a parent might search for “say this, not that” posts on Instagram, or if a child isn’t listening, a parent might search for scripts that will get them to listen. And although scripts can be helpful, it’s important to take the next step to uncover what’s at the root of the behavior.

But what many parents miss is the invisible thread that links so many challenging behaviors to the lack of a daily rhythm.

Now this is not to say that implementing a rhythm means that your child will never have a tantrum again, because children’s big emotions and challenging behaviors are normal and it’s a healthy part of growing up.

But what rhythm will do is reduce the challenges so that when they do pop up you already have a sense of what’s at the root of the challenge.

So what kind of behaviors are linked to a lack of rhythm and why? Let’s dive into it.

Typical behaviors that I see in children who don’t have a healthy daily rhythm is the need to control, defiance, or argumentative behavior.

Often, parents will see this kind of behavior as their child being very opinionated, and knowing what they want or don’t want. But when a child is trying to control their parent’s every move by saying, for example, “pick me up,” “sit down,” “no don’t sit down, “stand up,” “go over there” and this carries on for quite some time. It can be exhausting.

Perhaps you’ve experienced something like this with your child before.

Now you’re probably wondering – How is this connected with rhythm?

When children do not have a consistent daily rhythm that they can count on, they will feel overwhelmed by the unknown. In an effort to lessen the feeling of overwhelm or anxiety, they will attempt to take control of the adult.

But here’s the issue with that. Children’s brains are not yet developed enough for them to make decisions based on reason or logic, rather their decisions are based on what they feel at any given moment.

What controlling behavior is really telling us, is that this child is begging for someone else to be in control. They are craving predictability. In other words – a rhythm.

When rhythm is implemented, parents will often see that their child’s controlling, defiant, or argumentative behavior softens and they become, not only more willing to follow the parent’s lead, they test boundaries less, and power struggles fade.

Another type of behavior I see in children who are lacking a daily rhythm is frequent meltdowns, more difficulty self-regulating, and becoming easily overwhelmed.

Of course, tantrums, meltdowns, and learning to self-regulate are all normal parts of growing up. But when a child is having these big emotions multiple times a day, every single day, this can become exhausting for both the parent and the child.

If your child is melting down during every transition, or over little things like when you cut the strawberry wrong, or zip their jacket before they are ready, this can be a direct link to a lack of a predictable rhythm.

You might be wondering how?

When we see these types of behaviors in children, the connection to rhythm is that they are feeling overwhelmed by the lack of predictability. This leads to feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, and confusion which can cause frequent tantrums and meltdowns.

Children who do not have a rhythm will often struggle greatly with transitions, and this is because they do not know what is coming next. It feels safer to them to continue with what they were doing rather than move into the unexpected or unknown.

So, to go back to the original question, why do children need rhythm?

With rhythmical and practicable days, children are able to know what to expect when they wake up each morning and throughout the day and this lessens feelings of anxiety, confusion or overwhelm.

When children know what to expect, they feel safe. And when they feel safe, they’re happier, more cooperative, and more resilient when the occasional unexpected event occurs.

Research also shows that rhythm supports healthy social-emotional development in early childhood. Children who have a consistent home rhythm have greater self-regulation skills, which are the building blocks of good mental health.

Rhythm is such a powerful parenting tool. It’s my most recommended tool for all parents as implementing it means a less stressfulful, more calm home life.